The Most Important Thing To Do If Your Heart Is Broken
If you’re reading this and your heart is aching, I want you to know you’re not the only one. If you feel like nothing in the world matters because your pain is all consuming, I want you to know I’ve been there. Whether you’re suffering from a romantic breakup, mourning the loss of a loved one, or feeling the effects of your own painful choices, I want you to know I’ve been there.
There’s something comforting in knowing that heartache and heartbreak aren’t personal. Emotional pain is the side effect of being human.
Today my heart is not broken. And one day yours won’t be either, even though it may be difficult to grasp that feeling in the midst of devastation. When my heart was broken I wish someone had told me something, and this is what I’m going to tell you:
The most important thing you can do when your heart is broken is feel it all.
Feel all the feelings, and feel them deeply. Don’t hide from them. Don’t tell yourself you’ve cried too much. Don’t busy yourself. Don’t let your mind convince you to avoid it. Just sit with your pain, and let yourself feel it all.
The only way to the other side of pain, the place where I’m living now, is to walk through it. You can’t skip around it, dig a hole under it, or build a bridge to go over it. You have to bare witness and be present to everything that is arising.
And that is all you have to do.
You don’t have to analyze it, manipulate it, or deny it. You simply have to accept it for what it is. And I know that "simply" or "just" are flippant words for this work.
Walking through my pain has always been the biggest challenge of my life.
When I was going through a deep heartbreak a year or so ago, nothing seemed to matter. Yoga was the only thing that made me feel somewhat alive. After a while, I made a conscious effort to be with my experience. I sat in my room and laid down for a Breathwork session.
I devoted time and attention to my pain. Instead of judging it, pushing it away, or trying to make it different, I gave it a voice. My pain moved out of my body through sobs, screams, and breath.
Immediately, I felt lighter. I felt like I had purged something. I was healing. I was learning to release the pain.
No one ever taught me how to be with my emotions. I learned that sadness meant something was wrong and anger meant I was bad. I felt shame around certain emotions and anxiety around others.
When you are brave enough to face your pain, you'll embark on a journey of self-discovery and, if you're lucky, you won't recognize yourself on the other side.
On some level, we are all afraid of our deepest pain. When your heart is aching, you're in the perfect position to go deeper. I know it's hard, but you are fully capable of it.
Feel the feelings. The deep ones you’re scared of. When you sit with the pain, when you bare witness to your fears, the truth you’ll discover is liberating. You’ll find that there’s nothing to be afraid of because underneath all of that fear, underneath all of that pain is love. It’s always there waiting for you to choose it.