Knowing You: The Breakup Story
Sometimes knowing you feels like a dream. I guess life, too, feels dreamlike at times. But with you, the feeling is intensified.
For most of my life you were a stranger to me. And then, suddenly I knew you existed. And when I first knew you, it didn’t mean too much to me, to be honest. You were just another person I now knew. Maybe I would forget you, maybe you would slip into the void of familiar faces. But, alas, you did not. You became a face I loved deeply.
Your face became one I would wake up smiling to in the morning, and your voice I would hear whispering I-Love-You's in the middle of the night.
So then there was this time where I not only knew you, but I loved you. You became my homie, my person, my partner in life. The things you cared about became important to me, and the things that made you hurt made me hurt, too.
And then the first fight came, and then the second. Then there was pushing and pulling and clear signs that this just wasn’t working. But, the love…the love was still there, stronger than ever. And that love made it confusing. Because we weren’t clear. We were lost and clinging and desperate and helpless.
But in love.
And then it ended.
Three times, maybe?
And it hurt and sucked and left me hollow. So then began the phase without you. The phase of knowing you but not having you in my life. The time started when we were no longer homies, partners, or together people. We were separate people with separate lives where we knew each other existed but couldn’t be friends and couldn’t be partners. Space was the only available option, and it created this beautiful path for us both to move in the way we each needed.
And it changed everything the way that space and time and separation does.
And time goes on, knowing you without knowing all of the things that were once mine to know. So when I think of you and remember that you were once by my side and are now somewhere out in the world doing your thing far away from me as I do the same, I feel like it is all a bit of a dream.
This life thing, that is.
The way people come and go out of our lives, that is.
Because the strangest thing of it all is that you are now a part of me.
One time I didn’t know you existed, and then I did, and during that time you became part of who I am. Who I am now is different because of you. And who I am now is always going to be some part of a reflection of our time together, and that will never change.
So whenever I think of the dream I wish you love, and peace, and joy. Because you deserve all of those things wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, and whoever you’re with.