Healing Is Not Linear
When you are someone who has grown, you know what depth is. It’s not just that you’re different, it’s that you’ve expanded. Not only do you hold the parts of you that once were, but you also embody the newness of you. You can see the views you used to see from the first floor, but now you also see the deep horizon from the 10th floor vantage point.
Depth is infinite. It’s a reflection of the universe, a vast opening with no definitions, no boundaries, no end in sight.
Sometimes I have to remind my mind that healing is not an upward path leading me to somewhere.
Healing is an ongoing process. Sometimes I seemingly fall backward and then forward again. But really there is no backward or forward, no up and down. That’s the mind’s way of tricking us, the way it tricks us into believing time is linear. All there actually is is expansion or retraction.
In truth, when I “slip up” or, in other words, when I feel shitty, like I’ve lost my way, I have really only lost my heart, my center. I have really only allowed fear to prevail, even if just by 1%. The truth is that growth is expansion. It’s your heart opening to deeper and deeper capacities of loving. And losing your way is retraction, it’s the closing of the heart in response to fear.
When I love, I feel like I can never feel a greater depth of love. And then I feel a greater depth of love, and I feel like it could really never get deeper. And then it gets deeper, and my mind gets blown out, like it should.
I practice yoga. Every so often something clicks and my mind goes, “Oh now I get it.” Then more time passes, something else clicks, and my mind goes, “Oh now I get it.” Then more time passes, something else clicks... The mind is always trianing to lock it down, but there is nothing to lock down. There is only greater understanding on an infinite path of exploration.
Our minds limit us, but our hearts are infinitely expansive. Our minds have not the slightest inclination what our hearts are capable of. A mother finding love and companionship in her son’s murderer? It exists. We don’t think it’s possible until we see it. And then we see it and know it to be so. Maybe we don’t understand it when we see it. But if we allow our hearts to open beyond the limits of our minds, we can understand. Our minds say, “Oh now I get it.” I wonder what other depths are possible if we let our minds go.
The way of depth is infinite.
It means the more you let go, the more you will experience.
It means the more you let go, the more your heart opens and the more truth you bare witness to. And it means there is always going to be so much more than we can ever imagine.
The Tao of Depth is this: there is always more.
There is always more love to be feel, to share, to give.
There is always more healing, more forgiveness, more gratitude.
There is always more letting go, until the ultimate letting go.
And until then, we just keep on laughing at the mind when it tries to figure it out, when it tries to hold us back, and when it tries to hold us in fear. We will laugh because we’ll be right back, rooted in our hearts, realizing our minds have put up an invisible wall, but our hearts can see right through it.