What I Know About Fear & How to Overcome It
Fear wants to ruin my life, and I'm not going to let it anymore. All of the worst choices I’ve made in my life have been because I was acting out of fear. On the other hand, fear has also been my one of my greatest teachers. When I’ve let myself see beneath the mask of fear I have discovered great insights about who I am and what I believe, things I wouldn’t have noticed without fear.
Here are some signs that will show you that you’re living in fear and what these fears might be pointing to.
When I’m afraid I…
am controlling. I have a difficult time allowing, letting things be as they are, trusting in life. When I’m afraid I want to feel safe, and I have a belief that I can create my own safety by controlling everything around me.
What it points to: I don’t trust in life. I don’t feel supported by the universe.
hide. I let my mind create stories about why things happened the way they did instead of looking directly at my pain.
What it points to: I don’t want to hurt. Even if I’m hurting because I’m hiding, the truths I’m hiding from are even more painful because they are deeply held beliefs that are holding me back from living the life I deserve.
am pushy. I have a desperate desire to be understood and supported.
What it points to: I feel misunderstood and unseen.
shut down. I keep my mouth shut. I don’t take risks in letting people see who I really am.
What it points to: I don’t feel like I will be accepted for who I am.
am manipulative. I try to convince others to see things the way I do or do things the way I do.
What it points to: I believe my relationships will be in jeopardy if we don’t feel the same way.
feel paralyzed. I’m stuck doing the same things even though I’m not happy. I’m unwilling to take risks. I convince myself that keeping things as they are is the best.
What it points to: I don’t feel the universe will support me. I feel unworthy of true happiness.
am confused. My thoughts and emotions seem to be in conflict. I never know the right decision to make.
What it points to: I feel that if I allow myself to be vulnerable I won’t be supported. I am avoiding living from my heart.
make rash decisions. I make quick, emotional decisions without sitting with my feelings. I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable taking things slowly.
What it points to: I feel like I will be disappointed, abandoned, or let down. I’m afraid things won’t turn out the way I want them to because I don’t trust that I'm supported.
am angry. I respond to situations with rage, frustration, or passive agressiveness.
What it points to: I have deep emotional pain I don’t want to face like guilt, shame, or unworthiness.
run away. I convince myself that being on my own is best. I don’t let other people in.
What it points to: I don't believe I am lovable. I refuse to stand in my power.
Fear is manipulative. It reinforces the ego, but it keeps us shut out from our true selves. It creates separation. It keeps us farther away from knowing ourselves and even farther away from really knowing anyone else. It leaves us feeling hollow and lonely. It lowers our vibration, leaving us in a depressive state. It blinds us, tricking us into seeing anything but the truth.
Seeing through my fear has created the greatest liberations of my life.
It has helped me see where I need growth and how I’m recreating unhealthy patterns. The beautiful thing about seeing our fears is that we can begin to see that we have a choice. When I notice I’m acting in any of the ways mentioned above, I can slow down and ask myself, "What I’m really afraid of?" In that space I can then choose who I want to be.
I want to be someone who listens closely, who isn’t monopolizing the conversation in conflict because I’m afraid I’ll be misunderstood. I want to really hear the other person, to really see who they are. I want to be someone who stays put when I want to run. I want to choose to open my heart instead of closing it down. I want to be someone who isn’t afraid to live in uncertainty, to make decisions slowly and carefully. I want to be someone who can show my deepest pain, not only to myself, but to those around me. I want to choose love. I want to choose to trust that I am supported. I want to choose love. I want to be someone who lives without hiding, who shows up even when it’s hard, who gives love even when it’s not certain it will be reciprocated, someone who is willing to trust that everything is always ok.
I know the truth is that I always have a choice.
I can choose love, and I will. I can be someone who lives without hiding, who shows up even when it’s hard, who gives love even when it’s not certain, and who trusts in life. And not only that, but I can choose to trust that when I don’t hide I will be met by another great soul, when I show up I will be received with open arms, when I give love I will get it back, and when I trust in life it will provide for me.