Change Your Life: 2 Reasons You’re Stuck
I spent the past week completely focused on my spiritual and personal growth. I was with my Breathwork teacher for three days for additional training and then at a yoga festival for four days flowing in and out of workshops and classes.
On the last day of the festival I drove into Joshua Tree National Park, climbed on top of some boulders, and I wrote. I wrote affirmations. I closed my eyes and felt everything I truly deserve in this life of mine. I drove down the windy roads, in between Joshua Trees and stunning rock formations, and I screamed:
I am ready. I am so fucking ready.
And I am. I’m ready to shed the past. I’m ready to release the anger. I’m ready to wash away the sadness. I’m ready to feel whole. I’m ready to show up. I’m ready to call it all in. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my heart. I’m standing at the edge. I’m right there.
Without those days of focus on myself I know I wouldn't have been screaming on top of boulders. I know I wouldn't have felt so ready in that moment. I received so much value from those days. I committed wholeheartedly to myself, and I grew tremendously. Those days changed who I am. They moved me forward in my life. They helped me get unstuck. They will forever be a part of me even if I don’t recall the specifics of what actually happened during them.
There are times in my life when I’m on fire. Things move quickly. And there are times when they move slowly, when I have to almost hibernate to unpack all that has happened. If you’re open and looking, I think there is always forward movement. The baby steps and hibernation all come together to lead you to the cliff and suddenly you find yourself diving in.
Changing your life is possible in every single moment. When you wake up to that truth you'll never feel more alive.
I have many moments of feeling all the possibilities that exist at my fingertips, moments when life is so crystal clear you'd give anything to spread that feeling to everyone who is alive and breathing. I have also dealt with deep depression, anxiety, and the kinds of drama life can deal us. It’s sure as hell not all sugar, but the pain is always worth what’s on the other side.
Most people are stuck in one area of life or another. Some people are sinking in quick sand, arms crossed, unwilling to reach out for support. For some of us this protection was necessary at one time. We might have experienced trauma or deep hurt that led us to unconsciously put the armor on. We often don't even realize how guarded we are.
This means that you have to assume you're hiding from the truth about yourself in order to change your life.
You have to be willing to always be digging into what might be there. You have to commit to your own growth indefinitely. You might be thinking you don’t know how to make this kind of commitment. The deeper truth is that you’re probably just afraid. Human beings are scared of change. We also love it. It's thrilling and terrifying all at once. Fear usually wins out. We wonder what we will have to give up. Who we will have to leave behind. What pain we will have to walk through.
Fear is one of the root causes that stunts our growth, but we’re often not willing to acknowledge our fear. Instead we claim we want things to be different, and then we make up excuses to not show up for ourselves. These excuses typically show up in two forms.
1. Money is usually the first excuse.
Yes, I’m calling money an excuse. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck. I’ve struggled to get by. I also know how much I have limited my ability to generate money because of my beliefs. For a long time I believed I had to work really hard to get a little bit of money. I believed there wasn’t enough.
I didn’t believe in paying $100+ an hour for healing work. I didn’t believe in spending thousands on trainings or retreats. These beliefs were a reflection of how I viewed myself:
I didn't believe I was worth it, and I didn't really think my life could change.
I spent over $1,000 on trainings and retreats this week. I spent $2,000 to become a Desire Map Licensee so I can share this important work with you. We invest in ourselves and the world around us so that we can all grow. I spent that money joyfully. It felt good to invest in myself, in my business, and I know that investment is going to help all of the people I work with.
If I had gotten those things for free it wouldn’t have held the same weight. It’s not to say I wouldn’t have benefited, but there is something about taking the money you have earned because you know you are deserving of it and spending it on something you value because you know you are deserving of it. This is about an energy exchange, a flow between you and universe. When you learn to value yourself you begin to joyfully exchange money for things and experiences that will serve you.
2. The second excuse is the DIY perspective.
I spent years reading blogs and books to learn, and I learned a lot. But it took a really long time, and while things were moving along in my life I wasn’t transforming. I kept finding myself in this cycle where things seemed to be moving forward and then I’d suddenly find myself stuck.
I believed I could do it all myself. I was too proud to ask for help. I wanted to figure it all out on my own, and I didn’t believe I was worthy of investing in myself financially.
And then I was 29, struggling to buy groceries, and I watched a webinar from a guy whose blog I had been following few a few years. He taught me two new things in those 40 minutes, and I decided I was done doing it on my own. I allowed myself to learn from someone who had been through it and who had clearly mastered this skill set.
The course was over $2,000. I didn’t have that money in the bank at the time, but he set up a payment plan for those who needed it (the very reason I now offer payment plans). So I spent $199 a month over twelve months, and by the end of that year I had doubled my income. I didn’t even feel comfortable spending that $199 to begin with, but something in me knew I had to. I knew I needed to do something different because the DIY perspective was keeping me stuck.
We are a consumerist culture, and this doesn’t just apply to the fact that we buy a lot of things. We gobble up information and expect it to change us. I’m guilty of it, too. I’ve read tons of books and blogs that have influenced me. But the things that have really transformed me have been the times I have committed myself to going deeper in one area.
“Consumers try to make up for their laziness by gorging on new information — TV, podcasts, web searches…But like a meal eaten too quickly, nothing is really digested. I once met a woman at a seminar who told me she’d read seventy-five books on spirituality in the past month. How could she find meaning in one book when she was already consuming the rest? Trying to consume spirituality is like buying multiple GPS systems for your car and not learning to use any of them.” — Phil Stutz and Barry Michels
We are a lazy culture when it comes to spiritual development. We make up weak excuses like not having enough time. We read books and blogs superficially. We’re podcast addicts. There is no shortage of information out there, and we somehow believe the more we ingest the more we will grow. We don’t spend the time really deeply contemplating them. We don’t immerse ourselves in the deep work that is required if we want to grow.
More is not going to change your life. If you want to grow you have to be willing to go deep.
If you’re feeling stuck in your life look at your excuses. Look at the way you consume. Look at your beliefs around money. When you give money for any kind of guidance do you then get lazy? Do you have expectations that hold you back from seeing how transformation wants to move you?