How To Know If You're Making The Right Choice
Our lives require a lot of decision making. Decisions like:
- What’s the best toothbrush to buy? Leaves the smallest carbon footprint?
- What milk is the healthiest and uses the least amount of water, almond or soy?
- How do I know if I’m with the right partner?
- How to I feel happier? Ok, how do I feel happy?
- Why do I seem to feel stuck most of the time?
- How can I make my life more meaningful?
- What is the best school to send my kid to?
- How can I make a living doing work I love?
- How do I pick the right mentor/coach/spiritual teacher?
- How can I make more money?
- How do I love myself?
Damn do we have a lot on our minds. And this list is the amended version. Our minds typically bombard us with questions and decision making prompts throughout our days — every day. The good news is that many of us aren’t making unconscious choices, we’re trying to make the best decisions we can. But, in the attempt to make that “right choice” we feel overwhelmed, burdened, and stressed the hell out.
Maybe this will make you feel a little better:
There is no such thing as a right choice.
Really. There’s not. There is no ultimate verdict to be decided upon by a jury of your peers. There is only you making the best choice you can given your circumstances.
So what happens when we’re stressed out and stuck in our heads trying to make the best choice? Well, we end up looking to other people to help guide us. And this can be great. We can learn immensely from the perspectives of the people around us, from mentors, from spiritual teachers, from neighbors, and from bartenders.
But, there’s a big difference between admiration and idolization. We’ve crossed a fine, but very firm line when we hoist someone above our heads, place them on a platform, and begin to strain our necks to hear the wisdom they impart on us.
I get that it’s tempting to find the answers from other people when things feel like they’re too much to bear. And I also know that we often dupe ourselves into believing we haven’t given our power away to another. We trick ourselves into believing we simply admire someone when we’ve actually begun to defer to them.
And when we begin deferring to others, we stop trying to listen to our own souls. We stop connecting to our one true guide, the part of us that knows our unique story. Your soul is the only qualified guide for your particular path.
Only you can make choices that are going to serve your life in the best way.
Only you know what is right for you. Only you can see the world through your own unique perspective given the completely original combination of experiences, thoughts, and feelings that make you who you are.
Don’t get me wrong here, I am a huge advocate of learning from others. I consider myself a forever student, and I think there are so many incredible people out there who have something to teach me. And I know I have something unique to teach other people as well. In my mentoring programs I’m not interested in telling you what to do (although I will a little!). I’m most interested in teaching you how to listen to your own soul. I’m interested in giving you new perspectives to try on for size. But you have to do the work yourself. You have to widen your own lens, experience some new things, and check in with yourself to see how they fit for you.
Everything comes back to your relationship with yourself. You are the one who must live with yourself day in and day out. You are the one who will feel like a fraud deep down when you’re deferring to someone else. You are the one who will be suffering while your soul is screaming to be heard and you choose to ignore it. You are the one that will be delving deeper and deeper into a life that is flat and missing the zest of that unique spark only you carry.
First you have to discover that spark, what it feels like for you. Then you have to make sure you do everything you can to give it your allegiance. And that allegiance will never put you in conflict of hearing, learning, and giving humbly and freely.
Stop worrying about if the choice you are making is the right one.
Instead focus on connecting to your soul. Trusting that when you leap into a choice it will lead you to exactly where you need to go.