What ‘Showing Up For Yourself’ Means & How To Do It
A woman, sitting across from me in my kitchen, told me that it took her a long time to book a session with me because I pissed her off (not quite her words, but her sentiment).
“You were talking about how you show up for yourself, and I was like, ‘Who does she think she is?’”
She laughed and waived her hands to indicate I shouldn’t take offense to this. I didn’t. I do show up for myself, and I’m proud of that. And the answer to Who do I think I am? is:
I used that term a lot back then—showing up for myself. I didn’t notice it being used at that time, but the past few weeks I’ve been hearing it everywhere, almost to the point of overuse. In a yoga class the teacher recited it so much that I even heard myself thinking, “What does that even mean?” I thought I’d explore that here.
So, what does it mean to Show Up For Yourself?
Showing Up For Yourself is another way of saying loving yourself, honoring yourself, or just doing the shit you need to do to take really good care of yourself. Unfortunately, like the most important discoveries in life, there isn’t a check list of how to Show Up For Yourself exactly. In most ways it is a unique act. Only you know exactly what you need when you need it. There are also some universals here.
Talking smack on yourself is never going to be Showing Up For Yourself. Neither is binging and purging, drinking until you’re blacked out, or spending your last dimes on designer clothes instead of rent.
Yet there are a couple Rules of Thumb when it comes to Showing Up For Yourself:
- Say nice things to yourself when your impulse is to do the opposite (because saying mean things to yourself gets you no where good—fast).
- Give yourself compassion when you don’t feel high on life (because healing is a journey, and also you’re human).
As I’m sure you might have gathered by now, Showing Up For Yourself is another way of saying Be Really Nice To Yourself or Be A Good Friend To Yourself. Good friends don’t shame each other (if yours does, it’s time to reevaluate), and being nice to yourself means you don’t say mean things.
Showing Up For Yourself is pretty simple in its most basic form. It’s about being good to yourself and honoring your needs. It can start to feel a little complicated when it comes to making the actual choices to Show Up For Yourself. You might be wondering, “Well, how do I know how to honor my needs?”
How do you Show Up For Yourself?
Once we’ve got the basics down (which can be a big feat and process itself), you get into the more seemingly complicated work of making choices that serve you. Making life choices can feel really hard especially the more you want something like a relationship or a specific career opportunity. You might even use the word confusing.
Confusion is a sign that you’re stuck in your head, wheels spinning until you’re burnt out. Using your willpower to juggle perspectives will deplete you, and then you’ll end up in bed with a box of Trader Joe’s Joe Joe’s and some trashy TV.
In order to Show Up For Yourself you have to be clear on who you are and what you truly desire for your life so you can make choices that will lead you there.
Most of us are struggling with self-worth and self-love wounds that require a lot of awareness to heal.
If you’re committed to your healing journey then you’ve got some tools you’ve found that connect you to your truth and release pain and limiting beliefs (if you don’t have these tools I suggest starting here). Your tools will help you gain more insight into yourself. You’ll begin to see your patterns of behavior that keep you stuck and perpetuate the false belief that you’re unworthy or unlovable.
This part is the work. You see more about yourself, are presented with an opportunity to make a choice, you make the best choice you can with what you know about yourself, you learn from that experience, and then you rinse and repeat.
Showing Up For Myself means that I know who I am, and I trust myself to make choices that serve me. I don’t do things because the world tells me to do them (this is always a WIP). I listen to my body, my heart, and my soul. I write, breathe, and teach to move energy. When I don’t I feel stifled and stuck, so I do what I need to do to get unstuck. This is Showing Up For Myself.
Showing Up For Yourself might mean canceling on friends because you really need some alone time. It might also mean realizing you’ve become a flake and acknowledging that to those you care about.
Showing Up For Yourself might mean starting to eat Paleo. It might also mean becoming vegetarian when you realize eating Paleo doesn’t feel good to your body.
Showing Up For Yourself might mean sleeping in till 9 (10?!) on the weekend because it was a rough week. It might also mean waking up at the crack of dawn to drive to the desert.
Showing Up For Yourself might mean saying yes and it might mean saying no. It might mean changing your mind. It might mean trying something you never thought you would. It might mean breaking someone’s heart. It might even mean breaking your own heart.
Showing Up For Yourself in the ultimate sense means that you make choices that honor your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs as they arise. This is how we take care of ourselves. This is how we love ourselves. There is no one in the world who can do this for you but you.
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5 Steps to Showing Up For Yourself
Showing Up For Yourself means that you make choices that honor your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs as they arise. Here is my pathway: