When Will Your Pain Be Enough?
On a scale from one to ten how much pain do you think you're in right now? Go ahead, guess. Got a number? Ok, good. Now times it by some gigantic number. That will probably account for all the pain you've hidden away.
And if your number was zero, well, let's just say I know you wouldn't be reading these words right now if you are pain free.
I avoided my pain for most of my life. It ruled me, but I didn't know it. I was born into a good life and with that came the inherent belief that I had no reason to be in pain when other people had it so much worse. So I never let the truth in.
I hid from myself for many years. It was easy to hide when I created the perfect persona. I decided I was going to be everything I felt like I wasn’t. Then I couldn’t ever doubt myself. Then I couldn’t ever see my weakness.
Life will show you that you can't actually hide from yourself forever.
It’s not really possible. Things will start to crumble. Your partner will leave you. You’ll lose your job. Your addiction will get out of control. You’ll hurt yourself. You’ll hurt someone else. Life will begin to come apart at the seams.
If everything seems to be falling apart for you now, you have a very important choice to make. Each time a piece falls you have the choice to feel the pain or numb it out. The more you numb out the more pieces will begin to fall until eventually your entire life is at your feet and you’re left completely exposed.
Are you scared? It's ok to be scared. Sometimes the scariest things are exactly the medicine we need. We can transmute our fear into our strength. We can empower ourselves.
Don't know where to start? That's ok too. That is why we go on retreats. That is why we sign up for workshops. That is why we hire coaches. That is why we seek spiritual council.
Some of us are naturally inclined to have the motivation and the determination to do it on our own. Some of us have been in so much pain that we’ve had no choice but to look inward. But for most of us it can be really hard to show up for ourselves when no one is holding us accountable. For most of us our pain is too strong for us to bear alone.
The pain you feel and the pain you've harbored deep within your body does not have to be permanent. You have the choice to let go. To heal. But I'm not gonna lie, it requires some big work. And I know you can do it. Because I did, and I'm no more special than you.
You make the choice when you're ready. But maybe ask yourself how long you're willing to keep putting off your own healing. When will the pain be enough? Because the truth is that most people wait until their entire world has crumbled at their feet. Do you really want to wait until you've lost it all to start the work?
The choice is yours. You can decide that now is the time or you can wait until it's so painful that there is no other choice for you to make.